Catching Faith (GAM 008)
Catching Faith is like "Kirk Cameron's Varsity Blues." Here's the description on IMDB: "Alexa thinks she has the perfect family, until her son Beau; an all star football player for his high school team gets caught drinking at a party and and her daughter Rayven; a straight A student is tempted to cheat on a test, she must trust in God to pull her family together and realize that God and her family is what really is more important, in this exciting Christian film." Type: Jesus Saves! (and takes half damage) Opening Phrase Where each week we watch yet another Christian movie in order to inoculate ourselves in case we ever know something the CIA is willing to waterboard us over. How Bad Was It? *Eli: You know how you've always wondered if they could make a movie about whether or not you should confess to being the one who farted in an elevator? That's what this film really brings to life. It's like "I don't know, I parked a little closer to the hydrant than I thought." If you ever wanted to see that for an hour and a half, well then strap in buckaroo, because you've got sixty-three minutes of absolutely no stakes to clinch onto your seat for. *Heath: According to Amazon, people who enjoyed Catching Faith enjoyed Cheaper by the Dozen 2, which is not a great sign, but it actually gets even worse than that, because people who enjoyed Cheaper by the Dozen 2 did not enjoy Catching Faith. I checked on that—it did not go the other way. *Noah: Hopefully nobody knows just how bad of a statement this is, but this is the worst thing I've ever caught. Guys, that's real real bad. That's real bad. Best Worst Still not a thing yet. Notes *This movie is based on a coloring book, The Elijah Project Workbook by Alexa Boylan, who also wrote the movie and played the "bitchy best friend." Jokes *"A random failed actress deciding psychology looked pretty easy so she could probably do it too, but with Jesus." (3:52) *"I know that chemistry tends to be a problem in these movies, whether it's David A.R. White and his wife, or Kirk and anyone with a vagina, but if you want sexual tension—if you want real chemistry—in a Christian movie, you will find no better chemistry than the brother and sister in this film. (18:10) *"No one here has apparently ever seen beer." (33:25) *"I don't think they know what "early acceptance" means in this movie, 'cause It's like "Oh, but what if I'm not…"—it doesn't matter. It does not matter: early acceptance means acceptance. You get to go to MIT no matter what. You can go into Bill Engvald's office and just peel off a nice ropy shit onto his desk and be like "There you go, snort that. There's your sign. There's your Brown Collar Comedy Tour." She wraps her legs around his neck and shits into his collar… she can do that, she's in MIT!" (51:10) *Craig, the proto-Brian. (1:11:00) *"And now we see that the mom is truly wrestling with her inconsequential well-to-do white lady problems. Again, I cannot emphasize enough that this movie is a woman's journey to snitch on her son. Yes, those are the stakes of this film. So, they decide—finally—that they're going to rat on their kid, and then all at once, Bo walks up to the fence and stares at them. They stare back silently at him, and I swear to God, the football announcer on the loudspeaker says this during this ridiculous long silence: 'And as The Crush finish their victory here, we just have to wonder what could stop this team from taking the championship." Nice and subtle—real subtle. He's just a fucking mentat from Dune: "Also, you might notice that the World Trade Centres are standing strong. What could happen to them in a mere four months and one day?' Chris Christie." (1:20:01) Interstitials *Bob Cramjaw's Christian Movie Audio Course (9:00) *Christian Movie Sneak Peaks (1:29:36) Tropes *Bad Sportsing *Christians Don't Know How the World Works *BRIAN! (Fuck You!) *Heroes are Villains, Villains are Heroes *Nothing Happens *Pearl Clutching Links *Episode on Audioboom *Film on YouTube (Paid) *IMDB Category:Episodes Category:Noah Lugeons Category:Heath Enwright Category:Eli Bosnick